Letting go a little
Posted on 18 Nov 2025 @ 1:47am by Ensign Ryan Collingway & Lieutenant Commander Riah Amberlyn XMD
Edited on on 18 Nov 2025 @ 1:55am
1,719 words; about a 9 minute read
Mission: The Displaced
Note: Takes place before The Displaced mission
---Counsellor's office----
Ryan was already in a sour mood. It didn't improve after he learned that Lieutenant Halux was on Starbase 369 for a special assignment and his file had been transferred to another counsellor. He wanted to convince him that these counselling assignments were no longer necessary. How could he make the same argument with a person he had barely met?
The handsome Lieutenant entered the waiting area. She carried herself with confidence and professional pride, but without any sense of arrogance or swagger. Her shoulders broad, she was easily 5’10” tall, with a lank boyish figure and a simple, masculine haircut, yet perhaps a little long Starfleet's standard men’s cut.
“Ensign Collingway?” she asked, approaching the only man in the waiting area. She approached with purpose and a friendly smile, extending her hand. Ryan would find the handshake to be solid and firm, a man’s handshake. “I’m Dr Emerson. Thanks for coming in.”
"Doctor," Ryan said. His voice was polite but neutral. Not a single thought or emotion revealed anything behind it. His typical state when meeting someone new.
“Let’s go to my office,” Emerson said.
// Emerson’s Office //
Outside the door was a sign Dr Kris Emerson. There were no bells and whistles after her name. That was at her request. Inside was not as elaborate an arrangement as Dr Vettalin's office had been. There was still a holoprojected image of a forested scene along two walls. The other walls, one curved and the other straight, were warmly dressed in a pleasant light value rust color. The straight wall was filled with built-in bookshelves, some of which had paper and hardback books, and others with trailing vines, small pots of plants that looked like African Violets, and several planters overflowing with large round leaves, green with pale violet spots. Emerson’s desk was suited to the room in real wood and there was a seating area against the curved wall, with two comfortable chairs and an occasional table between them.
“Have a seat. Something to drink?” asked Emerson.
"Just a water, thank you." Ryan took a quick, curious look at the counsellor's decor before taking a seat. "I was planning to tell Lieutenant Vettalin, before he went away, that these counselling sessions do not seem necessary anymore. I have adjusted to being back on a Starship and have gone through a few missions without any issues. I don't want to waste anyone's time if they are not needed," he added.
Emerson expression showed she was thinking about his statement as she got them each a glass of ice water and came to sit down in the other occasional chair. “Well, that’s good you haven’t had any issues with the past few missions. They’ve been a little on a stressful side. I’m glad you were able to use your coping skills to deal with them. Not everyone on the ship was as confident as you. And I appreciate your not wanting to waste anyone’s time, yours or mine, with sessions that are not serving you. But I’m not the one who can release you from these sessions. Dr Vettalin is. So we are sort of stuck with each other for at least a few more weeks, until we get back to the Starbase and him up again. Let’s talk about what’s working. What tools do you think you used to deal successfully with the pressures of the last couple missions? What was different from the times that were less successful?”
Ryan sighed inwardly. The same questions that Halux had asked before, more or less. Fine. If he had to repeat the same answers with this new counsellor than he would. "Breathing techniques that I had learned through various therapies which I didn't have when I started. Using my head to think of a solution rather than just panic. So far there has been no issues on previous missions despite the threat of danger to myself and others," he recited.
Ryan’s inward sigh was not lost on Emerson, who was well trained in watching body language. The guy didn’t want to be here. And Emerson understood that. “Why do you hate counseling so much?” she asked, without intonations of any kind. Just a curious question.
The directness of the question caught him off guard, but only for a few seconds. "I don't," he said. "I just don't see the point of answering the same questions over and over again. 'How are you feeling today? What works and what doesn't work? What am I supposed to say? 'Gee, I sure am glad those nanobots didn't tunnel into my brain on the Newton?' Or, 'I'm glad that tree didn't knock me half a continent away like it did my commanding officer?' *Anyone* in their right mind would say that. I'm just not sure what Starfleet wants from me," he finished with a shrug. "It's not going to be a different result.”
“What do you think the purpose of counseling is, Ryan?” asked Emerson.
"At this point, it's a very mandated requirement for me being in service," Ryan said dryly, but shook his head. "I understand the point of it, counsellor. It's to help others heal," he added quietly.
“Not exactly. Counseling is a rare and precious opportunity to get to know yourself, really come to an honest understanding of yourself and why you do what you do in any given situation. And it’s in a safe place where you are not judged as broken or incapable, but just the opposite. It is so much more than a way to keep your boss happy, or manipulate the system. You are an incredible individual who has overcome a lot of trauma. How did you do that? I have incredible respect for you, for not losing it over nanobots and giant trees flinging people around. And that’s just two of the outrageous things that can and do happen in the field of space exploration. How do those people perform outstandingly in unbelievable situations? They understand themselves so well they know, before it happens, that what they are up against can’t beat them. They /trust/ themselves. Do you really, fully trust yourself, even if faced with the kind of trauma that sent you to rehab in the first place? Wouldn’t you like to know now, today, next week that you can handle it, whatever /it/ is, rather than being nervous that something is gonna happen that will throw you for a loop? Counseling - along with your hard core Fleet training, is how you get there. But training only goes so far. At some point you’ll be faced with things that you weren’t trained for and that’s when knowing yourself makes the difference."
Ryan took a drink of water after she spoke, although that gave him a few extra seconds to digest what she said. "I know myself, counsellor. One hundred percent." That wasn't meant to be a challenge to what she said, at least not intentionally, but it was spoken with confidence.
“Good,” replied Kris with equal confidence. “Then we can talk about what you know instead of what you don’t, and I’ll have something to report to Dr Vettalin when he returns and you won’t have to repeat yourself when you meet with him again. If we report the same old same old to him when he gets back, he’s gonna wanna see that you’ve done some inner work, which you say you’ve done. So, tell me about you, anything you want to talk about and I’ll ask a few questions and we’ll have a good report for this session. What cha say?”
"That's fair," Ryan said, and shrugged. "Truth is though, there isn't much to talk about. We've been travelling for almost two weeks without any interruption. It's the quietest the ship has ever been."
“Do you like it quiet or do you prefer more action but maybe not too much? And why?” asked Kris.
"I like things busy enough to keep the mind occupied. The same as most people, I would imagine," Ryan said neutrally.
“Pretty boring otherwise, huh? Why did you join Starfleet as an Engineer? Just curious,” she added.
Ryan's shoulders tensed as the question, but only slightly. "My parents were...are, very wealthy. They had a future planned out for me. I choose something different. Starfleet," he said. "I haven't seen them since."
“Mmm. Nobody likes the plans someone else makes for your life, especially not at 20 something years old. You okay with that … for now, at least?”
Ryan shrugged, with a sense of finality behind it. "I can't change their minds. It is what it is, unfortunately."
“Were you ever close with them, or one of them?” asked Kris.
There was a moment of genuine hesitation on his end. This was not a topic he really wanted to delve into. His relationship with them was complicated. He knew they were aware of his incident. The fact that they made no attempt to contact him spoke volumes. "No. Not really. Sore subject," he finally admitted.
“Got cha. Unfortunate indeed then. Parents are …complicated,” she said with empathy. Her own were included in that assessment. “Last question and our time today is about up. Can you meet again in 3 days? I’d like to get another visit in before we are too deep into this next mission. Dr Vettalin recommended twice a week, but with the way missions go, that’s a bit of a stretch mid-mission. What do you think?”
The question was innocent enough, although Ryan was naturally hesitant to go into another counselling sessions so soon. But so far this one had gone fairly well, so he indulged it. "Okay. I can do that."
“Great. Make an appt with the yeoman on your way out. You know, you’re an interesting guy when you let go a little. No psychobabble here, but thanks for letting me see that.”
Ryan didn't respond to the observation. He simply nodded and left.
——
Ensign Ryan Collingway
Engineering Officer
&
Lt Kris Emerson, PhD
Counseling Officer
(npc apb Kate/Riah)
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