"She Cannot Put It Off Forever""

Posted on 10 Nov 2025 @ 6:49pm by Lieutenant Commander Riah Amberlyn XMD

1,168 words; about a 6 minute read

Mission: After Tarvik
Location: Amberlyn's Quarters aboard USS Arawyn
Timeline: During R&R

// Dr Amberlyn’s Quarters //

Riah had received the letter on Stardate 8-22-2425, literally as they were leaving Starbase 369 on the mission to Tarvik III. She had all along intended to reply, but work and trauma had interrupted those plans. She could not put it off forever.

Hello Riah Amberlyn

Do you know who I am? I didn’t think so. I’m Crystal McLaughlin and I came into this world on the Earth equivalent of August 21, 2411. Now you know who I am. I said on my 14th birthday, I was gonna write a letter to my mother, even though I never met her, never knew who she was. My Mother, with a capital M, helped me track you down and is sitting here as I write this, because I’m sure I’m gonna cry. I’ve cried a lot of times since I learned my biological mother didn’t want me. I was 7 when I finally understood that Amanda and Roger McLaughlin were not my biological parents.

You have a pretty name. I wonder what you look like. Do you have long blonde hair like me? Are your eyes blue? Do you like cats? What’s your favorite food? Mom says I should not hate you because we don’t know what happened in your life that made you leave a baby behind, and I’ve had a very good life with my Mom and Dad. So, I don’t hate you, but I wanna know why? I want to know who you are? Where you live? What you do?

Mom says you can answer back if you want, but I shouldn’t get my hopes up. But I think you will write me back. I would if I got a letter from my daughter, so I think you would too.

Crystal
~~~

Riah read through the letter again. It hurt as much this fifth reading as it had the first. The mission had kept her mind occupied and could indeed be offered as a legitimate excuse for not replying immediately. But the truth was, Riah had no idea how to reply. Rarely at a loss for words, this situation had brought her to a full stop.

Dear Crystal,

It is a pleasure to…
It is a surprise and a pleasure to get your letter. Thank you for writing. I’m very glad to hear you are happy… are part of a happy family … I’m very glad you are part of a happy family. That is what I wanted for you from the moment I knew I was pregnant. Like you, having never seen me, I never saw you either and I do have blonde hair, though it is not long...
~~~

This was not going well.

Riah hopped up, frustrated, and marched to the small kitchenette to make a cup of tea. Her foot tapped out the rhythmic seconds while the water heated. Then she realized she had not selected a tea bag. So, while the water cooled, she fussed around in the drawer of teas. Healing teas, restful teas, flavorful teas, strong teas, mild teas. Tangerine Ginger.

The warm scents were refreshing and energizing. She stood at the counter and gently swirled the tea bag in the cup, her mind wandering back 15 years. She and Michael Mitchell were a couple, starting the first day of medical school, 2409. It was a good match. Both intelligent and driven, ambitious, healthy, with high standards of both personal and academic success. But they realized they had different goals for their medical careers. And those goals were not particularly congruent. The relationship never carried with it the expectations for being long-term.

So it was a shock to both when Riah realized she was 5 weeks pregnant. The oral contraceptive had, for whatever reason, been ineffective and left the two med students with a very serious situation, and neither were particularly happy about having to make a decision. For Riah, terminating pregnancy was the worst possible option and Michael agreed. Both were training for a program in which the goal was not to do harm, but to promote life and health. That would become increasingly complicated as their education and lives as physicians continued. But in this second year of med school, it was a prime consideration.

They made every effort to find just the right organization to arrange an anonymous adoption. Riah’s pregnancy was all but effortless, and the child, a little girl, was born naturally, 4 days ahead of her due date, and 5 days before the final exams of the summer session of classes. The date was August 21, 2411.

Riah and Michael never saw the child. She was taken immediately from the delivery room to the arms of her new mother, Amanda Lane-McLaughlin, and her husband Roger McLaughlin. Riah never even knew what they were to name this child.

School continued, consisting of exhausting hours of study. Without the mutual goal of the pregnancy, Riah and Michael broke up, amicably but both with mixed feelings about what had constituted their relationship during her pregnancy. They drifted apart after med school and Riah moved on to join Starfleet in 2417 and USS Coventry in 2019. Now she had the prestigious position of CMO on the newest and finest of the Fleet, USS Arawyn. And she stood in her little kitchen with a cup of cooling tea, at loss as to how to adequately answer a letter from a young woman whom she had birthed into this world 14 years ago... but never met. She returned to the desk and sipped at the tea, staring at the screen of her monitor. The scent of the tangerine seemed too tart. The ginger clung to the back of her tongue.

“Record:
Dear Crystal,
Yes, I will answer your letter. I am a doctor, the Chief Medical Officer aboard the Starfleet vessel USS Arawyn. … “

She let it pour out like spilled honey. The whole story, the good and the bad of it. It was a gentle letter, but was also an honest letter, with no artificial guile or decoration. A letter she hoped would reveal the tenderness and affection that she felt in the writing of it.

Tears were shed at more than one point in the rendering. When she affixed her name to it, she began to second guess herself. Reading it over yet again, she wanted to soften some things, hedge on others, and leave out parts. She walked to the kitchenette again and pulled a bottle of Irish whiskey from the top shelf. She didn’t bother with a glass but poured a single shot over the dregs of her tangerine & ginger tea. This was not for flavor enjoyment, but a little bit of liquid motivation. She threw back the liquor, put the cup gently on the countertop, returned to the desk … read the letter one more time. Corrected “wa” to “was” and hit send.

LtCmdr Riah Amberlyn, XMD
Chief Medical Officer
USS Arawyn

 

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